ray of sunshine!

Friday Confessional for 10/17/2008

Hey austincommunity ,

Seriously, are you going out there?  In this blizzard?! When I need your help around the ranch?
Where is it you think you're headed to this weekend? Make sure you bring a scarf as you'll catch your death of cold! My Farmer's Almanac says that temperatures may get into the MID FIFTIES, so be careful! I love you!  Bring me back a shirt!

Oh, though I know what you're doing next weekend, simply because I demand it.

ray of sunshine!

Today's movie meme (reposted because the LJ cut screwed it up)

Boldface the ones you've seen
Underline the ones you own (I didn't do this because I'm lazy and I don't own many of these)
** the ones that would make your own "New Classics" list
Heather's idea: Strikeout the ones that offend your sensibiities

1. Pulp Fiction (1994) **
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)
3. Titanic (1997)
4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995) **
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998) **
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991) **
9. Die Hard (1988) **
10. Moulin Rouge (2001) **
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)**
12. The Matrix (1999)**
13. GoodFellas (1990)**
14. Crumb (1995)
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990) **
16. Boogie Nights (1997) **
17. Jerry Maguire (1996)
18. Do the Right Thing (1989)
19. Casino Royale (2006)
20. The Lion King (1994) **
21. Schindler's List (1993) **
22. Rushmore (1998)
23. Memento (2001) **
24. A Room With a View (1986)
25. Shrek (2001)
26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
25. Aliens
28. Wings of Desire (1988)
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)**
30. When Harry Met Sally... (1989) **
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)**
32. Fight Club (1999) **
33. The Breakfast Club (1985)
34. Fargo (1996) **
35. The Incredibles (2004) **
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004) **
37. Pretty Woman (1990)
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) **
39. The Sixth Sense (1999) **
40. Speed (1994)
41. Dazed and Confused (1993)
42. Clueless (1995)
43. Gladiator (2000)
44. The Player (1992)
45. Rain Man (1988) **
46. Children of Men (2006)
47. Men in Black (1997)
48. Scarface (1983)**
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)
50. The Piano (1993)
51. There Will Be Blood (2007)**
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)
53. The Truman Show (1998) **
54. Fatal Attraction (1987)
55. Risky Business (1983)
56. The Lives of Others (2006)
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998)
58. Ghostbusters (1984) **
59. L.A. Confidential (1997) **
60. Scream (1996)
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)
63. Big (1988)**
64. No Country For Old Men (2007)**
65. Dirty Dancing (1987)**
66. Natural Born Killers (1994)
67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
68. Witness (1985)
69. All About My Mother (1999)
70. Broadcast News (1987)
71. Unforgiven (1992)**
72. Thelma & Louise (1991
73. Office Space (1999) **
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
75. Out of Africa (1985)
76. The Departed (2006)**
77. Sid and Nancy (1986)
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)**
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
80. Michael Clayton (2007)
81. Moonstruck (1987)
82. Lost in Translation (2003)**
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)
84. Sideways (2004)
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)**
86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)
87. Swingers (1996)**
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
91. Back to the Future (1985) **
92. Menace II Society (1993)
93. Ed Wood (1994)**
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987) **
95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
96. Far From Heaven (2002)
97. Glory (1989)
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (1999) **
ray of sunshine!

Lord, have MRSA on me.

Dear MRS. A,

Thanks for giving me my third to last day of work off!  Because of your assistance I was able to get some moving errata accomplished and a full twelve hours of sleep.  That said, I'd like to take you to task for a few things.
  1. The extraordinary fever.  I felt like the HUMAN TORCH.
  2. The body aches and chills.  It was very difficult to decide whether the fan should be off or on.  Terrible.
  3. The throbbing.  Oh, the throbbing.
  4. The oozing hole in my body.  Also, six band-aid changes a day?  Come on, now.
  5. The detergent bodywash I get to start using in a couple of days.  It cost me thirty dollars and is probably going to sting!
  6. The weirdness that going back to work is going to be tomorrow, what with me being very behind on all the things and, oh yeah, them knowing that I've been with you.  They all saw that 60 Minutes episode about the football players and they are FREAKED!
In closing, it's been nice knowing you, but I think it's time we went our separate ways.  I anticipate dousing you in a chemical bath soon.  Please, stop the oozing.

John Smith
ray of sunshine!

I'll save this for posterior. And Space Chimps must die!

I'll spare you the gory details of my super-minor SURGERY (so minor it required thirty seconds of planning, a local anesthetic and a lot of gauze... in fact, click here if you want to see how much gauze).

BUTT I'll say this:

As the doctor (possibly my favorite, lifetime) is coming in I tell him "Man, am I going to make your day or what!"   This was a joke because of where the the problem was located.

"Nah, not unless you've got a tick on the head of your penis, because that's what I was just doing over there," he said, pointing through the wall and at what I have to imagine was an unhappy male hiker.

During the procedure he kept pushing there brochures on me about the clinic and suggested I bring them to work.  Despite that, if I were staying in Salisbury I would only ever go to that doctor.


In other news, when I signed up for press credentials for the New York Comic Con (which I did not attend this year) my email was given to every publicist working in genre TV, movies, comic books and video games.  In the run up I was getting five or six pitches a day, some of which (especially the interviews) I would have actually looked at taking advantage were I there.  Now that the show is long since past I haven't gotten any.... until tonight.  This was for a movie and videogame called, yes, Space Chimps.

"We’d love to work with you on any continuing coverage, previews, rounds up, etc. you may have planned coming up; looking at this summer’s big films, seems like sci-fi is going to represent a huge market – X-Files, Wall-e, etc. But what could be more appealing than combining space travel with monkeys?"

Indeed.  Man, I could do that.


Hey, anyone familiar with THE CONTAINER STORE?  As in, acceptable for a temp job?
ray of sunshine!

I'm keeping this one on file.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to be considered for the narcotics trafficker position listed on Craigslist on May the 13th.  After reviewing my resume you may conclude that my experience designing marketing materials for the largest bar on the East Coast might not qualify me to carry baggies of powder cocaine in my rectum.  However, I have three very important points to make that could change your mind. 

  1. I have a great work ethic.  I haven't taken a full sick day in over three years and I don't plan to anytime soon.  When I'm trafficking your drugs I promise you that from supplier to nose, they will be my top priority, morning, noon and night.
  2. I have some connections in the comic book industry.   They are notorious coke fiends, didn't you know?  Coke and whores.
  3. I would kill my best friend for a thousand dollars.  That's no hyperbole.  I would kill my best friend for a thousand dollars.  Imagine what you could do with a man like that in your organization.  For one thing, I'd be excellent for mice and termite control.

Mr Rivera, I know you have many candidates for this position but I want you to take a chance on me.  I promise that your coke to cash ratio will skyrocket when you let me handle things-- just give me two weeks!  I look forward to hearing from you.

John Smith
ray of sunshine!



Ms. Jessica Myer and I are relocating to Austin, Texas in early June. The last day I will be in Maryland is Saturday, May the 31st, where we'll be saying adios at Plaza Tapatia at 7pm and then, later that night, Breaktime. If you're able to stop by, please, please do.

My schedule is about to be a lot more open, so hopefully I'll get a chance to update this a bit more often than I have in the last three or four years.

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